5 Self-Care Tips for Anxious People

Over the past few years, I have started to make self-care a weekly priority. I didn’t even know what self-care was, nor did I talk about it amongst friends, family, and peers for most of my life. If I wanted to “treat” myself, that usually involved a trip to the mall to go shopping, maybe getting some acrylic nails put on, or a night out partying (and drinking away all my money) with my girlfriends. I thought going to the gym for two to three hours a day was all I really needed to be “healthy.” Man, I had no clue.

Over the last few years, I have learned that mental wellbeing and physical well being, while heavily entwined, require different types of care at times. Getting in a good sweat sesh has amazing effects on both the body and mind, as does eating a healthy, well-balanced diet. However, there is so much more we can be incorporating into our daily, weekly, and monthly routines that help build and sustain a healthy mind and healthy body. A few of my personal favorites are below:

Journaling

I used to think the whole journaling thing was a bunch of bologna … until I figured out what worked best for me. There is something soothing in the simple act of writing on paper with a pen. We spend way too many waking hours staring at screens every day, so the disconnect from technology alone serves us well.

Journaling can come in many forms. For some people, a mind dump, where you sit down and write down all your thoughts, both positive and negative, is very effective. It helps to empty the mind and make you feel more clear-headed. Others prefer to journal about their day and what is going on in their lives. I prefer to do a gratitude journal, where I write down four or five items from that day that made me grateful.

Sometimes those items are big, exciting news like a promotion at work. Most days, it is just appreciating the little things like kitty lap snuggles after an exhausting day in the office. It does not have to be complicated. I try to write four or five new things every day, but sometimes, you will just be grateful for having woken up that day. And that is okay!

Along with writing down what I am grateful for each day, I also write down some affirmations/goals/hopes/dreams. I highly encourage starting this practice. Even if you write down one thought a day, you are creating positive energy around whatever you hope to accomplish and/or boosting your self-worth and self-love by praising yourself for the incredible being you are.

 Meditation

Here is another one I used to think would never work for me. When I first started trying to incorporate a meditation practice into my life, I hated it. I am an overachiever, and as such, I want to be good at everything on the first try. I did not understand at the time that it is called a meditation “practice” for a reason. Learning to meditate properly takes practice. A lot of practice. And it is not always easy.  

When you are a busy body like me, learning to clear your mind and sit with yourself is quite the challenge. I did not like how hard it was or that the thoughts I was trying to get rid of kept creeping back in, so I gave up time and time again. After a year or two, I finally told myself that it was ok to suck at it. I realized the intention of trying to meditate was greater than my ability to do so.

When I finally came to terms with the fact that I have an overactive brain and sitting in complete stillness is rarely possible, I started enjoying the meditations. Like I said, the intention became more important. My purpose for practicing meditation was to have those five or ten worry-free moments to myself.

I was not worried about what I wanted to eat for breakfast or how many work emails I had, or what else I would do for the rest of the day. All I worried about doing was listening to the instructor’s voice because, yes, your girl only does guided meditation and following along with whatever instruction they gave. Now that I have learned to enjoy the practices, I make a point to incorporate them into my day whenever possible and will continue to make them a greater priority in my life. The long-term benefits are worth the frustration.

 Monthly Massages

If you are an anxiety sufferer like me, you will find great benefits from a monthly massage appointment. First of all, the human touch is so underrated. Skin-to-skin contact is extremely beneficial for mental, emotional, and physical health. It reduces your cortisol levels, which will lower your stress, and even a quick massage can also trigger the release of the feel-good chemical oxytocin.  Imagine the benefits 60 to 90 minutes with a professional could do for you!

Along with the biological effects, I find the quiet time during a massage much different than quiet time at home. During a massage, there is nothing to distract you. It is literally (insert your preferred session length here) minutes of pure bliss where you are free to let go and relax. There is no technology, pets, or family members to steal your attention. You get to close your eyes and drift away to a magical place that only exists on the massage table.

Feeling the tension leave my body and my muscles start to relax is such a gratifying feeling. Heck, when the massage is over, I often feel a bit of sadness come over me because it means I have to go back to reality. If you can fit a massage into your budget every month or even once or twice a year, I highly recommend it. During 2020, I made it a part of my monthly routine and haven’t turned back.

 Reading

Reading has been an escape for me my entire life. There is something special about getting lost in the pages of a good book. I think this works so well for my anxiety because reading takes me to another place. Unless you are reading books that can be triggering, such as books about violence and politics, jumping into someone else’s world helps you leave the reality you are living.

I find television and social media to be overstimulating; I find books to be my zen place. Every night I get excited to go to bed because I know my current read is waiting on me. I put my phone on silent, snuggle up in the covers, and lay down for what is sure to be the best hour or so of my day. The genres I read are varying, which always keeps it interesting and most books I choose provide great entertainment. I am also a traditional paperback book reader, so my eyes appreciate the break from all the blue screens.

Starting an evening reading practice has also helped my sleep tremendously. The anxious mind likes to keep going and going 24/7 without a stopping point, but something about getting sucked into a book helps to calm the crazy in my head. After about an hour, I feel relaxed and only have the words on the pages of the book going through my head. Because of this, I can lull off to sleep and stay soundly asleep for longer. Even if you do not consider yourself a reader, I highly recommend starting a reading practice and see where it takes you.

 Schedule Activities

Do not overcrowd your schedule – There is nothing worse than over-promising and under-delivering. This always happens to me when I pack my schedule full of activities with family and friends. Inevitably someone gets the short end of the stick because I cancel or reschedule. Sometimes that someone is actually me because I end up feeling overly obligated to go through with plans I made and do not have the courage to clear some time for myself.

I hate when this happens! But of course, I do it to myself…or used to do it to myself. I have always struggled with finding a balance between doing too much and doing too little or skipping activities because I am feeling anxious and then living with regret. Hanging out with friends should not be this hard, right?! Having anxiety can make social interactions a little more challenging at times, but it does not have to be complex.

I find what works best for me is scheduling activities based on my desires. Instead of waiting for other people to invite me to join in on their plans, I offer up my ideas and see if they are interested. For example, if I know I have friends that like to go out at night and stay up late, I will invite them to do brunch with me instead. Staying out late increases my anxiety and makes me feel uncomfortable, but by asking them to join me for an activity of my choice, I get to see my friends and have a great time.

I have also learned to say “no” when I really do not want to do something or know that if I do, I will not have any time for myself that week. I used to agree to the plans and then cancel last minute; now, I am just upfront and explain to my friends that I have a hectic week ahead and need time for myself. People will respect you so much more for your honesty and will appreciate not having you canceling all the time. Your openness can strengthen your friendships and keep friends from leaving you in the dust because you tend to be flakey. Win, win all around.

One of the best decisions I have made over the last 2 years is increasing the priority of a good self-care routine. Now that I finally recognize what self-care is and have seen the benefits of the practice, I frequently encourage everyone in my life to set aside time to do these things for themselves too. The overall health benefits are innumerable, and over time, anyone can create the great change I have witnessed in my life.

Share in the comments: What is one of your favorite self-care activities that work for you to ease anxiety?